I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
