You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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