pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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