3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
