operation have a gay friend backfired
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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