my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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