theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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