He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
