Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
