I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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