Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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