How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
