Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize