Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
