I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Is it because I queefed?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
