When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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