you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
