i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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