the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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