He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
