Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
