He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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