oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize