whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize