Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
