Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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