The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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