so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
