I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
