..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
