He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
