Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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