come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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