come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
