How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
