honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
