can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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