I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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