How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize