She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
