I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
