omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
