And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
