in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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