This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
