So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
