Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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