bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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