these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
