Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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