Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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