I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I cannot find my penis.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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