I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
