How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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