I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
