hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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