I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
