He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
