you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
