I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
