mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
