would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
