just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
