I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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