listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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