Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The feeling are messing with the penis
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
