hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
