both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
