I think my fart just growled at me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
