My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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