There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
