How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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