That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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