remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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