the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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