did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
