It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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