you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's shark week go big or go home
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize