party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
