dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
