just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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