Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My hand turned me down
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
