he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize