Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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