Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
