Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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