I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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