i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
