Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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