I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
