Just mADE A PArabola og urine
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
jump out the window naked night went bad
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