my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize