): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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