Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
