bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize