why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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