I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
