I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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