Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
