Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
