Me too!
Can Purell be used as lube?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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